I was fatherless growing up. My parents divorced when I was 9, 10 years old. In the late sixties and early seventies, divorce was less of an option than today. Parents stayed together. It seems that it didn’t matter if couples did not love each other, were out fooling around even homosexual. They stayed together. Not my parents. Hester was not putting up with my dad’s bullshit. So she divorced him. After, my mom would be furious that my “father” would not, did not show up, literally for my sister, brother, and me. That he would not could not be in our lives. More than once, I heard her say, “Any man can have a baby, but that’s not being a father”. My dad didn’t get it.

I carried that experience and message from her into my marriage, children, and my divorce. There was not a major event or experience with my children that I was not present, birth, diapers, birthdays, Christmas mornings, parent-teacher conferences, school plays & performances, sporting events, family vacations, sicknesses, crisis, financially, and my unconditional love and caring.

There are many things in life that I got wrong or could have done better and I look forward to experiences in my future, both right and wrong. No, let’s call it leaning into the discomfort of the uncomfortable. I hope that my children’s experience of fatherhood is better than mine. And should they become a Father, they can take from their childhood and build and be even better fathers.

My “Fatherhood” has not and is not perfect. As my young adults evolve into who they will be, I strongly believe they have received the nurturing, support, and resources to thrive. Now, and never alone, they are responsible for how they take the gifts given for their physical, mental, and emotional growth, health, and personal fulfillment. Further, I hope and believe they know, that this father will always be there with them, present and loving.